“What 72 Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Mains Say About The People Who Pick ‘Em… According to the Rage Mage!!!”

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate is everywhere and everyone cooler than you is playing it and increasing their global rating online right now. Instead, you’re reading this because you fall for listicles every time. Continue reading “What 72 Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Mains Say About The People Who Pick ‘Em… According to the Rage Mage!!!”

“A Review of the Reviewers of the Nintendo Switch”

So a tiny paper weight from a 3rd-world country video game company was recently released and it set the internet on fire like so much dog crap in a big, runny paper bag. Ladies and leotards, the Nintendo Switch, a device so inflammatory it summoned the shock jocks and mouthbreathers from the dark recesses of their dimly lit parents’ basements to spew their bile and record close-ups of their in-grown hairs. The Switch, if you forgot to have your mom pay your internet bill, is the lovechild of John Podesta and Anthony Weiner, in other words, it’s a home system and a handheld, or as I prefer: a homewreck and a port-a-potty. For some reason, this is exactly what a world of over-privileged whiners needed for a punching bag. Continue reading “A Review of the Reviewers of the Nintendo Switch”

“Rage Mage Assemble!”

This rage-post is just one sentence long… because, as all you bottom-feeding, basement-dwelling, like-fishing bloggers know, the plebeians at Square Enix thought it was okay to get the entire gaming community all up in a hissy-fit of excitement for what turned out to be the ultimate example of lameness: that they’re going to be making a stupid Avengers-themed game, probably in the vein of the Lego Marvel thing, because let’s just come right out and say it: nothing is more appropriate for the Marvel brand than getting the shameless, angsty, pandering treatment from the same company that crapped out Final Fantasy XV in all of its fetch-questing, female-objectifying, open chit-chatty anti-glory, and after all, the cast of FFXV with monotone Noctis, dude-bro Gladio, anime-cliché Ignis, and professional whiner baby Prompto are the perfect archetypes for the whitewashed, mansplaining derpsters crowding Marvel’s list of C-tier… Continue reading “Rage Mage Assemble!”