Greetings from the convoluted webs of the multiverse, NPCs!
Prepare for a pointed jaunt from one world to the next as we pew pew pew our way into another #BloggerBlitz special event, as first described and delineated at Adventure Rules! If you’re saying “Whoa I’m not ready to commit to some kind of interdimensional roadtrip with you!” that’s alright. Go ahead and take a peek at the rules for the event. Come back when you’re sated. You can also see my previous entry alongside the Blue Bomber when Mega Man was tasked with coming up with a stellar music video. Oh and here it is:
We are now in the semifinals and what a rollercoaster of a challenge is set before us today… It’s called Soccer Survival. “Just a soccer game?” Hold your six-legged horses, you tantamount rapscallion! Here are the rules for this round:
“In this event, the two of you will compete in a Mario Strikers style soccer match – you captain a team of bumbling helpers to see who wins the game. All powers and weapons are legal. But there’s a challenge just to get to the match itself: you are dropped smack in the middle of the opponent’s world, and must survive there for 24 hours. Can Lightning survive the robot masters? Can Mega Man overcome the cieth? And even if they do, whose abilities will lead then to victory in soccer?”
My opponents this time are none other than LightningEllen and Lightning Farron from the Final Fantasy XIII trilogy! Lightning does indeed strike twice. Not only will Mega Man have to lead a winning team against Lightning in a soccer match, but before that he’s got to spend 24 hours in Lightning’s universe, survive, thrive, and prepare for that soccer match, while Lightning does the same in Mega Man’s universe. It’s the old switcheroo.
Without further ado, what follows is a set not of ten but of eleven strategic steps that will carry Mega Man to victory from prep to party time (in 800 words or less)!
#1. Finding himself transported to a new world, Mega Man knows his primary strength must carry him through: adaptive versatility. Essentially a blue mage, each battle expands his arsenal as he fights his way through Cocoon, Eden, Gran Pulse. With each new power he plows through foe after foe, defeats Barthandelus and uses his powers to defeat Orphan. Remember, MM becomes MORE powerful and capable by defeating enemies. He therefore comes armed with an array of new abilities for soccer. Robotic, not needing to sleep means Mega Man can use every second of his 24 hours in Lightning’s universe to scour for treasures, gain new abilities, discover upgrades, learn about his opponent, prepare himself. Mega Man will have gained the powers of every l’Cie, fal’Cie, Cieth, playable character, villain and monster in FFXIII, FXIII-2, and Lightning Returns, or as many of them as are possible in a 24 hour, mechanically efficient speedrun. These are in addition to all of his regular abilities and he can gain them quickly since his is not an experience-based grind.
#2. Mega Man has an added layer of survivability thanks to the fact that he starts each adventure with and can gain extra lives. Even should he perish, he’ll come back again and as he gains more abilities death becomes less likely anyway. Can the same be said of mortal Lightning?
#3. When the 24 hours are up, as is customary for Mega Man after completing a stage, his health and weapons auto-recover to full. In contrast with Lightning, MM comes to the match technologically recharged and with an array of new godlike l’Cie, Fal’Cie, Cieth powers. Additionally, Mega Man feels no fatigue, ever.
#4. Mega Man has actually played soccer, made an entire game out of it. Considering the positronic mind does not forget, he approaches the match with tons of experience. Submitted for your approval:
#5. Soccer is a game that can be broken down into measurements of velocity, placement, trajectory, reactions, mathematics… all of which a robot mind would excel at in comparison to the mind of a human like Lightning who likely hasn’t played soccer before. Lightning may be athletic but is she familiar with soccer enough to lead a winning team against the mechanical precision of a super fighting robot?
#6. Mega Man ALWAYS leads a team of sidekicks and support members, several of whom are bumbling. His pureheartedness and determination provides the inspiration to propel them forward to every victory. He’s a leader. Besides that, Mega Man has gained every FFXIII Synergist power, boosting his team with bravera, faithra, haste (essential for soccer), protectra, shellra, veil, vigilance, barfire, barfrost, barthunder, and barwater, effectively turning them from bumblers into star players under his exact leadership.
#7. Mega Man teleports into the stadium. The game begins. Because of his experience in XIII world, downloading data from its computers, Mega Man will have studied Lightning’s strengths and weaknesses, including her initial standoffishness that leaves others behind when she perceives they’ve failed her or her sister, so he will use one of the many powers he gained from one of the l’Cie, a power called “L.C. Envision” unofficially, which projects images into the minds of Lightning’s team members of her being cold to them, while at the same time projecting imagery of her team failing her into her mind and subsequent paralytic guilt (regarding illusory Serah, Lightning’s sister and a motivator), causing her to actually lash out in frustration as she has in her weaker moments.
#8. Accessing the internet, Mega Man projects scores from reviewers, forums, Metacritic, IGN, and Polygon through the stadium to remind Lightning of the general backlash and poor reception surrounding her trilogy, distracting her from the goal. This erodes the last of the teamwork and leadership on team Lightning.
#9. While team Mega Man is scoring goals and team Lightning bickers and distances themselves from their leader, MM makes use of additional FF abilities he obtained. His Mega Buster switches quickly to Saboteur mode, inflicting curse, daze, debrave, defaith, deprotect, deshell, dispel, fog, imperil, pain, poison, and slow on team Lightning! Most of Lightning’s powers will be disabled at this point but any special attacks that do go through MM twists and uses against Lightning (referencing the Mega Man cartoon intro). Reminder: Mega Man is not weak to lightning strikes.
#10. Mega Man gained powers from Lightning’s world which take on new forms in his M. Buster, so he’ll charge up temporal abilities to mess with time (“T. Rewind”) in the rare occasion that Lightning’s status afflicted team scores a single point.
#11. As victory nears, Mega Man’s team needs a final push of enthusiasm. MM’s internal sound system begins playing the best 8-bit beats from his past OST’s, pumping up his team’s adrenaline. Goooooaaaaaal for everlasting peace! Without weakness and with an arsenal of limitless potentials, Mega Man wins the day!
In your service,
-The Well-Red Mage
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