“Let the hate flow through you.”
Good day, NPCs, the Well-Red Mage here.
A little background for this post, if you please. Last week we found out that Nintendo was discontinuing the NES Classic Edition. An entire world of gamers was dumbfounded and at a loss for words. Many of us were angry at Nintendo for discontinuing the product but it’s not like it was readily available anywhere, anyway. I decided, as a fan, collector, and retrogamer, to go ahead and pay off a price gouger on Amazon.com for my own NES Classic. I paid $170, well over the retail price of $60.
Here’s the fun part: a few days ago (almost a week after purchasing the NES mini) I decided to track my package via the FedEx website, which reported that the seller had cancelled my order two days after they supposedly shipped it out. I contacted the seller, GoodDeal Electronics, by email and asked if they had cancelled my order without telling me. Their reply: “Sorry, there was a sudden order increase and it’s out of stock. Full refund has been issued.” I left some feedback with Amazon and I’m awaiting my refund but this is clearly ridiculous. Were they going to skip notifying me the order was cancelled so they could avoid a $170 refund? Did they just cancel it so they could resell the product at a higher price? I haven’t had problems ordering from Amazon before but this smacks of the early days of buying on eBay. So yeah, I’m a little mad.
In the end, I’m not going to pay over $200 for an NES Classic and the cheapest I can find are over that price. GoodDeal Electronics, I hope that somehow you lose out on business because of your unprofessional dealings, and for breaking the widdle heart of this mage I hope you stub your pinkie toe this night. You can be sure that I’m not recommending anyone purchase from you as often and as loudly as I can.
But since wielding my consumerial power of the free market is not enough to sate this mage become wroth, I will remind you, GoodDeal Electronics, that the pen is truly mightier than the sword. Sic ’em, Rage Mage!
Dear GoodDeal Electronics,
I hate your stinking guts. You make me want to throw up in a water-recycling purifier and feed you the sloshy, drinkable remains through an unused horse intestine. Feel the wrath of 2017-level riotous anger, you bald-headed charlatans, and see if you can look past the angular bloviation of your own conceited indifference to read my words! Way to turn a Nintendo dumpster fire into a full-blown, unkempt forest blaze by wizzing on it with your acrid, gasoline-infused urine, you smug, self-righteous, slovenly, unintelligent, egotistic, skankish, wretched, diseased, cretinous, whalish, viscous, amateurish, awkward, fraudulent, smelly, boorish, bazaar-hawking, medieval-quality, fly-infested, lickspittle kissing booth for miscreants! In all my years of spending money never have I seen anyone spend money on such a group of prepubescent, acne’d, ninnyhammerish, snollygostering shysters parading around products you don’t even have to sell! I hope you suddenly wake up from your stupidity-induced stupor to find a mysterious, translucent, poisonous, glistening liquid leaking from the raw, pestilential orifices of your greasy countenances, you cellulitey, spider-veined monsters. How do you sleep at night, other than on a comfy albeit haphazard waterbed full of the tears of children? Way to callously crush the hopes and dreams of an innocent and unapologetically handsome young man, you hemroidal petty-fodder stoking the fires of rampant greed. I don’t know who you are but I will find you and I will high-five you in the genitals with a wrecking ball made of air because violence is unacceptable.
Back to you, Red.
Thanks, Rage Mage. I feel a little better now.
Have a nice day, GoodDeal Electronics. And, dang it, change your name! Now to start a crowdfunding project to get me a NES mini…
-The Well-Red Mage
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